got trauma, bro?

A lot of men are resistant to the idea that they carry trauma. I get it—most of us don’t even realise what trauma really looks like. We’re taught to believe it’s only the “big stuff.”

One of the biggest insights I’ve gained is the difference between “big T” trauma and “little t” trauma.

Big T trauma is what everyone thinks of first:

• Car crashes

• Physical or sexual abuse

• War

These are the obvious, headline-grabbing events. But here’s the thing—these are far less common than the “little t” traumas that most of us experience day in and day out.

Little t trauma is more subtle, but it’s everywhere:

• The time you were laughed at in school for getting an answer wrong.

• That feeling of never being good enough, whether it’s on the field, at work, or even at home.

• Hearing “boys don’t cry” and learning that your emotions were something to be hidden, not shared.

Here’s the reality: trauma isn’t defined by the size of the event, but by the emotional impact it leaves behind.

Little t trauma often goes unnoticed because it’s woven into our daily lives. It’s less about what happened and more about how it felt and how it still affects you today.

Let me give you a personal example:

I was bullied for having ginger hair and being a bit chubby. No one would call this “trauma” in the traditional sense, but those moments shaped how I saw myself. They taught me to hide, to keep my head down, and not to take up space.

These aren’t just memories; they’re the lenses we see ourselves through.

It’s not about the event but the story it wrote in your mind:

• You’re not good enough.

• You’re not lovable.

• You should be ashamed.

The truth is, trauma doesn’t need to be loud or violent to leave a mark. It just needs to make you question your worth, your safety, or your place in the world.

Think about the little moments:

• Did you ever feel ignored when you needed attention?

• Did you try to express yourself only to be shut down?

• Have you ever felt like you had to earn your value through achievements, looks, or wealth?

These everyday experiences accumulate, and without realising it, they build the foundation of how you operate today.

Trauma isn’t just a wound; it’s a quiet script that plays in your mind.

It’s not about labelling yourself as damaged—it’s about understanding why certain things trigger you, why you react the way you do, and why you sometimes feel stuck in loops you can’t explain.

Admitting you have trauma isn’t about weakness—it’s about self-awareness. It’s recognising that these experiences shape us, even if we wish they didn’t. And by acknowledging it, we open the door to change.

Here’s what I’ve learned: healing your trauma is one of the most transformative things you can do. It changes how you see yourself, your relationships, and how you show up in every part of life.

Get it right, and you’ll never look at yourself the same way again.

If this resonates and you’d like to explore your inner world with me, I’ve opened up 3 spots for one-hour discovery calls next week. There will be no pitches, no pressure, just a chance to help you understand your trauma and what’s driving you beneath the surface.

Schedule a call.

Oh, and remember, brother… you are enough.

With love,
Dan